Saturday, September 1, 2007

Wow, it has been a month and what a month it has been. Lots of things have been going on, some good, some not so good.
I experienced a hurt this week. Hurt feelings. Feelings- defined, means: something experienced physically or emotionally, something felt emotionally.

The thing about feelings is there are no right or wrong feelings. They are just your feelings. Now someone might say, "well you should not feel that way", and THAT always throws me over the edge. (I am usually walking along the edge anyway). The way you feel about something comes from all sorts of places... your past hurts and perceptions, your spiritual place, your education, your total emotional makeup from Day 1.

So when my feelings were hurt this week, I had to deal with it. To top it off, I was angry with myself for feeling the way I did and that only made things worse. So I did the only thing I know to do when I don't know what to do. I took it to GOD. But not until I wallowed in it for a day.

Then I went to the lake and thought I would have it out with Him. The first trip around the lake, I moaned and grumbled and really let Him have it about the unfairness of the situation, and why couldn't people just be honest and considerate and you know the whole "why me" thing.

The second trip around the lake, I just cried and cried, then cried out. I realized that this small little issue that hurt me was coming from some long ago sense of injustice. Once I realized this, I began to pray for God to just take it away. Make the hurt and anger disappear. I knew by now that it really was my problem and I just had to deal with it, but still wanted God to take the hurt away, NOW!

Well I wish I could say that by the end of that second trip around the lake I felt better, and God had miraculously made it all go away. But He didn't. I couldn't go around the lake again, it was getting too dark. So I went home a little discouraged. But I can tell you this morning, I really feel He didn't take it all away then, because HE wanted me to read and pray.

I have been reading a book, and at the end of the book it tells you to practice praying scripture. It gives you a guideline to do so and this is what God placed in front of me to pray. Not all of it of course, but some of it...

In my distress I call to you Lord; I call out to my God. From Your temple You hear my voice; my cry comes to Your ears. O, my Strength, come quickly to help me. reach down from on high and take hold of me; draw me out of deep waters. Rescue me from my powerful enemy and from foes, who are too strong for me. Rescue me Lord. Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I confess that You are my rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; - save me from anything that seeks to destroy me, With Your help I can advance against a troop; with You I can scale a wall. AS for You my Father, Your way is perfect, Your word is flawless. You are a shield for me. If You are for me, who can be against me? You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and to not harm me. Plans to give me HOPE and a future. Thank you God, for your willingness to lead me to triumph .

After praying this scripture you are to add your own words. at first I could not think of any, I mean that about says it all. I have never really thought of praying scripture, but I liked it.

But being one to follow directions, and the book clearly read; add your own words, so,I did.

God, why didn't you let me read all this before I did all those laps around the lake this week, while crying I might add. Oh, I guess that was for my own good also. Thank you.

What I learned from this experience is:
Never tell someone they should not feel a certain way. You never know from what depths those feelings may be coming from.

Even the small hurts that we may experience are not too small for God.

When you don't know what to pray, pray scripture.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

End of an Era

Yes, it is the end of an era for us. Mike is staying with us for the last night tonight. Since we moved here almost 5 years ago, we have had the blessing of Mike and Peggy coming and staying with us when they visited. Not anymore! They will be living in a home of their own as of Sunday evening. I will miss having them as my guest. Right now Mike and John are in the living room playing guitar and singing. I love it.
I am not too sad though. This is really an answer to prayer. We have been praying for this move for over a year. It is going to be great having family living close by. I will get to see Austin often and watch him grow. I have made a promise to myself not to smother them when they get here. This may be hard to keep, especially in the beginning. But I can do it.

Peggy, Suzi and I will be heading out to Women of Faith, August 10Th. I can't wait. I don't know about them, but I need to be surrounded by some women filled with the spirit of God. There is such a wonderful feeling being amongst that many women worshipping the Lord.

I went to buy school supplies this evening for Maddie and Jacob. Yes, Jacob is starting Kindergarten. It was fun. It would be more fun if they were here to pick them out. I got Jacob this really cool camouflage backpack, which was a special request. And Maddie wanted folders with Puppies. Got those too.

Hey, where does the saying "sick as a dog" come from? I mean sick as what dog? How do you know how sick a dog is? If you know, fill me in.

God Bless you all, and remember His love endures forever!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Going Green.

Yes, that's right I am going green. It is not as easy as you may think. It takes a lot of hard work. I have read a book and am taking baby steps in the right direction. I have started with changing a light bulb. Yes, just one bulb. They are expensive and if I can just do one a every two weeks then it won't break the bank all at one time. Paper instead of plastic is harder to carry out, but in my effort to make things convenient for me, I have realized there are things I can suffer through. No more Plastic bottles of water, if I can fill up my bottle instead. Little things.
You can not live in these mountains, surrounded by God's beauty and not begin to be concerned about how we treat it. God gave it to us to care for. So I am going to do my part.

Also.... I am going healthy. I know this is the biggest shocker of all. And I am taking baby steps here, but I am going to try. I went to the store and bought organic. It is a little more costly, but I stuck to the if it is less than .50 cents more than the other, go for it. I am going to try and give up sugar. Pray for me. Another great book. The Seven Pillars of Health by Dr. Colbert has prompted this change. He is a Christian. And I am only on the 3rd pillar but so far am feeling pretty good.

Jackie is in Chicago this week with her youth. They are ministering to the inner city children. Please pray for their safety and the hearts of the people they will encounter to be changed in a mighty way by God.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Wow, It has been a long time since I have written and a lot has happened.
I have been real busy with the new job and right now I am in a traveling mode for the next two weeks. It has not been too bad, I have a lot of alone time at night and I have used that to catch up on some reading. I do miss John and Sam and Daisy though.

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. I can not express to anyone in words how grateful I am to God for putting John in my life. Some of you may know the struggles I experienced for so many years, before John. For those of you who don't, know that God is faithful even to those who have suffered through divorce. Stay strong, and faithful. I can not promise He will bring a John into your life, but He does have a plan.

God has also answered another prayer of mine. One I have been praying for over two years, and really hard in the last year. My sister, her husband, and my mom, and my niece and her wonderful son Austin are moving here. They will be arriving on Augsut 5th and I can't wait. This last year has really been a struggle for all of them. There has been pain, suffering and tears and moments of doubt. But God is with us and He is guiding them now. I do believe with all my heart this is the beginning of great things for them. And me of course, because I get to see them often.

The lives of two of my children are in quite a turmoil right now, they are hurting so I am hurting. I know there is nothing I can do but pray. So on Friday afternoon I spent some time doing just that just for the two of them. I ask God to show me His presence because I did not feel it. Through this time He reminded me of two things. One... Never say " There is nothing I can do BUT pray." That is everything I can do and it will be enough. Secondly... I recalled all the things I have seen God do recently and realized His presence is here with me, He will be with my children too. They just need to call on Him. I can't do that for them but I can pray!

I am off to worship and praise Him now. I hope you do the same today no matter what your circumstance.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

NEW News...

I have accepted a positon with a brand new bank. I mean this has never been a bank before. I am very excited and a little nervous. I will miss my co-workers at UCB, but am looking forward to doing something new. Pray for me.

Mommy is coming. Mike is bringing Mom up to stay for a week. I just came up from making her bed and cleaning her room. Actually she has to share the room with Sophie. Pray for Sophie.

We are having a special worship servie on Sunday... All music. Pray for John.

George is not feeling well at all. Pray for him.

Jackie has been having a battle with her cell phone for days now and it is getting to her. Pray for her.

I guess that about covers it.

Love to all.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Repeat Blues

What now?

What a disappointment I suffered when I came home this evening. I have nothing to watch on TV. Grey's is now in repeats. Then I got to thinking, I no longer have Dancing with the Stars to look forward to, or American Idol. What am I going to do with all this time? I know, it is sad that they were the highlights of my days, but seriously they took care of Monday through Thursday.

I guess I will have to find something else to do now with my time. Maybe clean something? NO! Take up a hobby? NO, I taken up lots of hobbies, they just never last more than a few days. Exercise? You have got to be kidding, I am not that desperate.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Miscellaneous news

I am going to be a Grandmother again. George and Cassie are expecting a baby around Janaury 4th. I am very happy for them and look forward to holding George's baby. As every one knows being a grandma is not new to me, but the excitement of George's child is new, and I can not be happier. I plan on being there for the big event. Please pray for George, Cassie and the baby's health, and big sister Jasmine as well.

Samson is doing well. Last weigh in was 65 lbs, but that was a month ago, so I hesitate to speculate now, probably over 70 lbs. I wish someone woud tell him, he thinks he is lap dog, and my queen bed is too small for the three of us. Daisy is having a harder time getting around and is a little grouchy. Sophie is now braving the upstairs, but rest assured, she stays on the tallest furniture possible to stay away from the dogs.

Maddie gets her cast off in two weeks, and guess what the first thing she wants to do is? SWIM!

Spring in the mountains. Well, I am not sure about that. It is pretty and green, but it is cool. I think it was in the upper 30's last night with frost warnings.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Got Gossip?

Several weeks ago at work, I noticed there were an awful lot of rumors going around and it seemed as though everyone was talking about someone all the time. I also noticed that I was rapidly becoming more and more involved and it did not take long for me to become convicted of my part in it. The first thing I did was decide to back off. Easier said than done. I have to admit I immediately felt "out of the loop" with everyone. I knew all had to do to get back in was engage in the talk.
So, I had a major decision to make. If I was that easily enticed to participate then I needed to remove myself from the opportunities to gossip. To do this would mean putting myself in an environment where being a part of the TALK was less likely to occur, which also meant stepping down from a position with title to one without. So, what to do? After praying,and praying some more. I went in to work and asked to step down and relocate myself to another position that would get me away from all the temptation to "share". I was asked why, and I told the truth. Talk about being alienated, I was! Almost instantly.! It seems as though the bosses can't help but gossip either. I was a little concerned I may have made the wrong decision, but then I went to church two Sundays ago, and as is usually the case, God used Heath to speak to me again. (Which kind of makes me afraid to tell God about any other areas I may be struggling in, because I am convinced He has a hot line to the preacher telling him.) Anyway, the sermon series is titled SMAK! Chews your words wisely. The first week was on the Fiery Tongue and the hurtful things we can say(short synopsis). Yesterday's was on, you guessed it. Gossip! It only confirmed to me that I had made the right decision.
The situation at work is still unpleasant. There will be no rewards for me at work for being the most popular, but that is OK, I will get my reward in Heaven. This may have seemed like a really drastic measure to some. For me the right thing to do for now.
Once again, I am amazed at God's timing. Bringing the right message to me at the right time. He is awesome!!!
Another observation on this. ..As I have monitored more of my conversations with people, I have realized when I edit out all gossip, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot to say. Sad, but true.
I will work on this.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

My Sis is home...

Well not home, really. If she were home she would be here in the mountains with me. But she is back in Florida where I can call her anytime I want. For those of you that do not know, she has been on a cruise for a week. A LOOOONG week.

Just this morning I found myself wanting so badly to "cry on someone's shoulder" or, "bend someone's ear" and it is, and always has been, my sister who has had that priveledge. ( well, I don't know if she would call it that). She wasn't available and it crushed me. I didn't know she would be home later in the day or I would have saved it all up and downloaded it all on her this evening. Lucky for her I thought she wasn't coming home until tomorrow.

But since I did not know she was home, I had to resort to other measures to let out all my frustrations. My floors have never been cleaner. All the the items on the very top of my kitchen cabinets have been run through the dishwasher. The dresser drawers are cleaned out.
and the furniture has been dusted. Twice. Still I was restless.

Then... it came to me... I mean really did just come to me in the middle of nowhere. ( I am not saying my brain is the middle of nowhere) ... but the words of the 23rd Psalm came over me and through me and filled me up. I had not looked at his verse or even heard it spoken in forever.
I know it refers to to our victory over death, but today it meant much more to me than that.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. I don't have to figure everything out on my own - God will guide me, if I let him.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters. Ah, green pastures and quiet waters. That sounds wonderful... I need to be still and rest in His assurance. Contentment. That is what I need to strive for.
He restores my soul, He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name sake. Ok, I need to stop and sit on this one for awhile. HE restores my soul! Nothing else can do it but Him.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me. For me today, it is not death I fear. It is temporal things. Financial struggles, work issues, family concerns. IF God can walk with me through deaths door when it is time, then He can certainly bring me through the things I am fearful of now. Comfort me, Lord.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. God is going to protect me. I just need to remain faithful and know that He is in charge.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. What a promise! How could I forget this for one moment. In the church where I came to know the Lord, we sang a hymn " Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life" I hadn't thought of that song in years. I bet I will be singing it for a few days now. And dwelling in th house of the Lord. How awesome. My sister will be there too.
For anyone reading this... I don't claim to be a theologian, just sharing how God uses certain scripture when you least expect it to speak to you.
For Peggy... If you read this... I hope I never take you for granted. You are one of the rods and staffs God uses to comfort me.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

UMM UMM...Coffee.

As I am writing this I am sipping a cup of the fresh brewed stuff. One of the most relaxing things I do is sit at the computer and drink a cup of coffee. I just wish I had more time to do it.

I read a book once, actually I have read it twice. That is how good it is and I recommend it to you. The book is titled Fresh- Brewed Life by Nicole Johnson. In this book she shares a lot of facts about coffee but more importantly she shares with us how we can have a fresh brewed life with Christ. A quote from the book that I treasure is this ... "Here's the promise of a fresh-brewed life: the Almighty wants to spend time with you, stirring your soul and waking you up."
My copy is highlighted, underlined and has notes in all the margins.

The reason I am going here tonight is this... This week I have felt in need of a fresh brewed life. I have let some things in the workplace bring me down, that, coupled with some family issues have consumed me in an unpleasant way. I realize though, that God is waiting to stir my soul and wake me up. In my prayer time tonight I was reminded that He is all I need to be refreshed. Just like we need to pour the cup of coffee and drink to be awaken, we need to pour His word into our hearts and be awakened by His spirit as it fills us up. Drink with me.

I will close with a little humor from Nicole's book.
Ten Signs you know you need a wake-up call to a fresh-brewed life:
1. You yelled at your minister last Sunday or ever.
2. You fell asleep at your own party.
3. You lobby for chocolate to be one of the four food groups.
4. Your husband doesn't want sex, and you're happy about that.
5. You called your best friend and strating chatting and she said, "Wo is this?"
6. The people you work with are asking when your next vacation is?
7. Your kids look forward to going to school?
8. Your idea of a good time is a coma.
9. You can't remember your last vacation.
10.You agreed to serve God, but only in anadvisory capacity.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Springtime in the Mountains

There is something about spring. We had a beautiful day here in the mountains. The sights and sounds I saw and heard coming home this evening were wonderful. I rushed home after work to pick up Samson and go to the lake to walk. There were tons of people there walking and basking in the warmth and sunshine, but it was the things I saw going and coming that were refreshing to me.
I saw kids in a tree.
I saw an adult lying in a hammock.
I saw kids riding bikes.
I saw a man mowing his lawn.
I saw children playing tag in their yard.
I saw a mom pushing her child in a swing.
I saw people sitting on the front porch.
I saw flowers blooming.
I saw LIFE.
It was wonderful!

On another note to anyone reading this. I am asking for your prayers for my daughter Shannon and her three children. They are going through a rough time and we are seeking God's will in their lives and safety during this rough time.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

WEDNESDAY MORNING MELTDOWN.

Ok, I had a little meltdown moment this morning. Some would call it a panic attack, breakdown, crying jag. Whatever! I prefer meltdown. All this and I wasn’t even out of bed yet.

John and I are in the midst of several changes in our life.

We are putting our house on the market, and looking for another. We have a new puppy. (Whom I acquired when I was having a temporary insanity moment.) My daughter is going through a very difficult time, one is moving, and I don’t get to talk to my son often enough. And we are going on vacation.

I woke up this morning and it all hit me. What if we sell the house and can’t find a place to buy that is what we want and can afford. What if the dogs cause my house sitter to run away while we are gone? What if we can’t afford any of this? What if John should not close the store for a week? What if they show the house and the dogs eat the people? What if I can’t get everything done in time to go?

It all sounds silly now, but this morning it had me really stressed out. It was like I knew I had to get out of bed, but I did not know where to start or what to do first when I got up.
But I did get up, and got my first cup of coffee. Then deciding I needed a few more minutes to gather my thoughts, went and got back in bed. I began to pray and then opened my Bible. As always, God is faithful to lead me to where He wants me to read. Sometimes it is a chapter, sometimes several versus, sometimes, just a line.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:15

WOW. I needed to think about this a minute…
He is the creator of the universe, He is my sustainer. In Him, everything is held together and prevented from falling into chaos.
Chaos… that is what I am feeling. So, this must mean I am trying to control all this. I am not letting God sustain me, protect me. I need to trust Him.
.
It is so easy to lose focus. I have had my granddaughter here with me this week. We have had a grand time. We have laughed and played and talked. It has been wonderful. But I also realized in my effort to keep things exciting for her this week, I have neglected my time with God. For me it only takes a day or so of not communicated with Him in a real personal way to get out of sync, lose focus, and… have a meltdown.

Thank you God, for reminding me just how much I need you!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Samson's obedience lesson, or was it mine?

What a day! We had our first and last lesson today. On the way there I told Samson, at $25.00 a half hour, he better be a fast learner. The lesson was held at Creature Comforts. A boarding, spa type place set back in the beautiful pasture land of Lake Junaluska. After signing in, which was an experience in itself, the teacher let Sam explore the lobby for a few minutes. She said he needed to explore in order to relax. Then we went through the spa room, which really intimidated Sam a little. Me too for that matter. It had all these tables with nooses hanging from them and crates. Then we went into the actual classroom. A really large room with carpet and the rubber runways up and down. she wanted him to sniff around a bit and get comfortable. Me, I was freezing, I don't think the heat was on. But as long as Sam is comfortable. Then we got started. She said that based on how BIG he is and was going to become, we should start with Recall- he comes when I call him and then... Sit. These were to be the two, (only two) that we will work on this half hour for $25.00. She had a bowl full of chunks of cheese sitting on the table, ( which might explain the mouse that was running back and forth across the room) . We each took a handful and the lesson began. I was quite impressed with Sam's learning capabilities. She would tell Sam to come to her and give him a piece of cheese. Then she would tell him to sit and give him another piece of cheese. I felt a sense of pride. MY DOG is Smart. After several rounds of this, she told him to take a break and play for a minute. Then it was my turn. I puffed up and called to Sam... "Come Same, Sam come.. come on Sam". Nothing! Next thing I know, She was telling me all the things I was doing wrong. Wait a minute. something is wrong here. She kept telling me the things I needed to work on. My voice, my stance, don't say something twice. Hello? What is wrong with this picture? Well, no time to find out, my 30 minutes is up. So I asked, "What should Sam work on this week". She replied "Nothing, but you need to work on the following..." " OK, then does he have homework today?" "NO, he has had a busy time here today, he needs to rest today, but here are two books for you to go home and read"! Seriously... it was a good lesson. She was great, and definitely knows what she is doing. Now, I just hope I can keep it up. One thing I am very grateful for is a very tired Samson. He has napped for the last half hour. He is worn out from all that exploring, playing, eating cheese and making me look bad. All that for $25.00 !!!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

A Cure for Cell Phone Addiction


Ok, I am hooked. I came to this realization one evening this week. I have this routine. I did not realize this until I started giving this some serious thought. But my routine goes something like this.

I leave work and phone John immediately to tell him I am on my way home and ask what’s for supper. As soon as this is accomplished I begin to run down my mental list to see who I can call and talk to on my way home. Mind you, it is only a 15 minute drive, but for some reason I think I must be on the phone talking to someone. On this particular day I surmise that Jackie is still at work, Shannon has too many sick children for me to bother her.George would still be at work, and Mike and Peggy are too busy, and I call them too much. (I think it was two days ago I decided I was not going to call them anymore because I was always interrupting something. Two days and it is killing me.) So, bottom line, I did not have any one to call. Then it hit me. I am addicted. Why do I have to do this everyday, as soon as I leave work? It is not like the conversations are that important. In fact, they are usually the same.
Typical examples below…

MY Questions Their Answers
Hey, what are you doing? Driving, cooking, cleaning etc.
How was your day? Fine
Anything exciting happen? No, not really
What are you doing tonight? Nothing special

Their Questions My Answers
How was your day? Ok, or long and boring. Depending
What are you going to do tonight? Watch TV - what else.

These usually last less than two minutes, and then I am trying to think of the next person to call. Are your conversations like this? I mean really why do we bother with the short meaningless conversations and why can’t I wait until I have something legitimate and meaningful to say? As I was mulling this over in my mind, it struck me… If I feel the need to fill that 15 minute drive with conversing, why not to God. I know he wants to hear from me. I don’t think I would be interrupting anything. Maybe it would go like this.

ME: Hey God, what are you doing?
GOD: Watching over the universe and all those I love.
ME: Do you have time to talk a minute?
GOD: Always!
ME: How was your day?
GOD: I would rather you told me about yours.
ME: Oh really, Well it was ok; I messed up a few times. It was really long, and a little
boring.
GOD: What did you do with that long, boring day?
ME: What do you mean?
GOD: Did you think of me? Did you call my name? I would have been there if you called me. We could have talked and maybe you would have remembered how much joy you can have and been thankful for the slow time.
Me: You’re right. It was nice to have a slower day for a change, and I am pretty blessed.
GOD: Did anything exciting happen to you today?
ME: No, not really. What about you?
GOD: Oh yes, always! But I did wonder about that one time today when you could have told your coworker, you know the one that is hurting, about me and you didn’t. Why?
Me: I don’t know. Fear I guess.
GOD: We have talked about this before. You have nothing to fear. I am here for you always. And it would have made your day exciting.
ME: Ok, I am going to call YOU more often.
GOD: Good. What are you going to do tonight?
ME: I don’t know. Watch TV probably. Hopefully there will be a good movie on.
GOD: Well, maybe you can call me again tonight and we can read my word together.
ME: OK, but can it be after Grey’s Anatomy?
GOD: Dana, Dana, Dana.
ME: I know, I know, just kidding. I love you God, and thanks for being there for me whenever I need to talk.
GOD: I love you too.


Ok, of course the above was just for fun, with a little truth mixed in. And I certainly don’t mean to put down the conversations I have with my family and friends. They are important. But sometimes I find myself just trying to fill time. I need to learn to relax and enjoy the quiet more and yes, spend more time in conversation with God. We have this thing we do in my family - Me, the kids, grandkids and John. When one says I love you, we go back and forth with, I love you more, no… I love you to infinity and beyond. Etc. I can’t imagine this with GOD. I can tell him how much I love him, but I can’t top how much he loves me. He loves me so much that His Son died for me.
So, next time I go to pick up that cell phone, just because I think I have to be on it to get from point A to point B, I think I will put it down and call the Lord instead.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

"What would you do for God if you knew you couldn't fail? "

This is the question we found on a little card in our church bulletin this Sunday morning.

Interesting question.

Even before our Pastor began to speak I was intrigued with the question, my mind wandering all over the place. Of course I wanted parameters established and I was hoping he would do so during the course of the sermon. You know like...what would you do for God in your small group if you knew you couldn't fail, or on your job, or in your relationship with a friend or spouse? I wasn't let off the hook so easy... It was left wide open. WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR GOD IF YOU KNEW YOU COULDN'T FAIL?

I am conjuring up all kinds of scenarios now.

Are we talking big things here, or can I scale it down to just for today, like committing to do my quiet time for one full hour.

What about my promise to Him that I make every morning... not to engage in any gossip, even for the sake of "SHARING"?

Or, I will not be envious of one person today, but be content to be my size ??.

I could go on and on about the promises I make to Him every day and fail most days. But, after really pondering this... Which is what my Pastor asked us to do. I realized that the things listed above are not really for Him. Those are things God wants for me to do for me. I am the one richly blessed in following these promises.

I have for sometime now thought that God wanted me to do something BIG. A mission trip, write a book, speak to women's groups, open up a center for women that have been through so much they think they can't get up and face another day. The Lord has brought me through so much, and I know and have known for some time now, that the struggles I have faced were part of the make up and preparation for the "Big Thing" I should do and would want to do for God.

So what is the thing? I don't know. So for now, I will do my best to remain faithful to His will for my life one day at a time, walk through the doors he opens, and seek discernment to close the doors not opened by Him. Also, I am coming to realize what BIG just might mean to God. It could be my mission trip might be to the local nursing home to visit one lonely senior citizen. My book, might just be my prayer journal. My women's group might just be one woman who needs to hear what God did for me and can do for her. My women's center might just be helping a single mom with a few groceries. God, I believe, will be pretty happy with these things, if done for Him.
As I seek to ponder the question presented in the beginning, I will also pray that God reveals to me what it is I need to step out on faith in, knowing it won't fail.

One more note. This question provided great conversation with John over lunch today. I love it when you leave church and take something with you like this. We were truly blessed today. Great worship, Great preaching. Although my pastor has been speaking directly to me for the last several weeks and he can quit anytime now.